Elsa on Ice
by Steve1357
Summary: One shot about Elsa on drugs, all Anna's fault. Complete crack. T for violence and drugs.


**One day(or night) I was lying in bed, thinking about what to write next for fanfiction, and this just popped into my head. Complete crack. This is my first fanfiction with lots of dialogue, so be warned. By the way, yes, you can take meth orally- I checked. Rated T for drugs and violence.**

Summer was blossoming in Arendelle, as a certain young princess ran down the halls like a maniac.

"Elsa!", Anna yelled. "I found Ice!"

Elsa's head peeked suspiciously around the corner. "Capital "I" Ice? Don't you mean meth?"

Anna shrugged. "I don't know, I just bought some from that Walter guy-"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing…"

"…"

"Anyways," Anna continued, "I spiked your tea with it. You know, the tea you just drank?"

"Wha-" Elsa dropped the cup. "Anna!" she groaned as she fell over. "This isn't going to end well."

"Oh sure it'll be fine! Trust me!"

5 min later…

"I see death and unicorns…"

"Just stay calm, Elsa"

"Who ar u!"

"I'm Anna, your sister, and this is Kristoff. We're going to help you through this."

"I knew those therapy instruction classes would pay off", Anna hissed at Kristoff.

"I believe therapy starts after the patient's mind is in a stable state, as Elsa is definitely not in right now."

"Food", Elsa moaned.

"Shut up, Kristoff."

"What do you expect from a fellow Ice addict?"

"Wha- I thought you meant the natural kind! I didn't know you did Ice too!"

"Well, you know, ice harvesting gets pretty dull, so you just-"

"Shut up Kristoff, we're trying to get our patient into a stable mindframe. So, Elsa, how do you feel towards life?"

"My sister is an evvul creeper." Elsa's eyes focused on Anna. "There she is! I'm gonna kill her!"

"Now Elsa, lets be reasonable", Anna weakly chuckled.

Kristoff spoke up. "Maybe we should just back off…"

"Yeah, good idea…"

Too late. Elsa had crafted an ice harpoon gun and was trying to aim it towards Anna.

"Uh oh…", said Anna. Kristoff starts backing away towards the door.

"Crack!" went the harpoon gun.

"AUUGGHHH!" yelled Anna, who was now shish-kebabed on the leg. "Why do you have to be so-" Pause for the effect. "Cold hearted?"

"Really?" said Kristoff. "Puns, now?"

"Or maybe it's just the Ice talking-"

"Anna, shut up. Please."

"Fine. Carry me."

Elsa, in the middle of this mayhem, had raised a snowman army and decapitating them with a deadly thin ice sword to show them who was boss.

"We run on three. One, two, three,"

"Run!", shouted Kristoff, now carring Anna.

They didn't get that far. The floor instantly turned to ice, and they slipped to the floor.

"Ouch, I think something broke… Kristoff!"

"I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my LEGS!"

"That's not good…"

Suddenly, the door opens, and in steps Olaf.

"Hi guys, I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs!" Olaf paused. "Kristoff, that's my line"

Elsa approaches Olaf and stabs him with the sword and starts hacking at him.

"Oh no the humanity- Just kidding, I don't feel pain!"

Elsa growls and stalks out of the room.

"Where is she going?", said Anna.

"I don't know, but its not going to be pretty…" Kristoff paused. "Can you fetch me a doctor? I seem to have broken my spinal cord"

"Can you just wait a minute, Kristoff? Our patient has escaped. One with cryokinesis, may I add."

"Oh yeah…"

Elsa comes back in the room with a drunken swagger, wielding a large contraption.

"What is that?"

"I don't know, RUN!"

"Wait Anna, I can't! Brocken spinal chord, remember? Carry me!"

"Fine1" Anna grumbled as she dragged Kristoff.

Elsa flips some switches and a large flame shoots out of the front of the contraption.

"Oh crap, RUN!" Kristoff paused. "I seem to say that a lot"

"Yeah, well whatever. Having a sister with ice powers makes you forget she is really darn good at inventing."

Everyone except Olaf shuffles towards the door.

"OOooo, pretty!"

"Olaf, no!"

The large flame instantly vaporized Olaf. His carrot dropped to the floor, fully cooked.

"Oh well, no loss there. His song sucked."

"Kristoff!"

"Sorry?"

The supports on the roof caught on fire.

"Crap"

"…"

10 hours later

Anna and Kristoff are in the infirmary. Kristoff is heavily bandaged, and both have singed hair and clothes, with melting icicles dangling off them.

"Well, at least Elsa is now safely hallucinating in the dungeon now" said Anna. And it was Fast Ice, so it'll last 2 days at most. Isn't that great, Kristoff?"

"…"  
"Okay, so it was a bad idea."

"You don't say?" groaned Kristoff. "Well, at least my spine will heal. It never snapped after all, it just bruised a little."

"…"

"Princess Anna! Queen Elsa has escaped!"

"Oh no, not again!"

**Yep, that's it. That was the end of this story, as the only reason it ends in this unsatisfying manner is that I do not know how to satisfyingly end a story. Just clarification for those people who expect me to actually end stories correctly. Tata!**


End file.
